October is National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month

October is National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month

​In October 1988, President Reagan declared the month of October as National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness month.  He went on to state, "When a child loses his parent, they are called an orphan.  When a spouse loses her or his partner, they are called a widow or widower.  When parents lose their child, there isn't a word to describe them.  This month recognizes the loss so many parents experience across the United States and around the world."

Perinatal loss, the death of a child before or after birth, is often considered an 'ambiguous loss'; a loss that may not be concrete or recognized as a traditional death.  Ambiguous losses can occur without a sense of closure.  Individuals affected by perinatal loss often grieve for the future and what could have been.  They may have given their child a name, an identity, a future and what is left only exists in their mind.  Those experiencing perinatal loss may question the validity of their grief due to a lack of social validation.  However, to the individuals who experience them, perinatal losses are very real and may have lasting effects.

It can be difficult for someone who has never experienced this type of loss to understand the impact it has on those affected.  Individuals impacted by perinatal loss often report that well-meaning family and friends say hurtful things in attempt to comfort them.  Statements such as, "It was for the best", "You can always have another", and "It's a very common experience" may sound supportive to the people expressing those sentiments, but may minimize the grief reactions of those affected.  It may feel more supportive to convey messages such as "I'm here for you, "I'm sorry for your loss", "I'm thinking of you" or to simply listen.  If those impacted by perinatal loss have named their baby, ask if it is okay to use their child's name, as some families find comfort in openly speaking of their loved one.  

Grief is a natural reaction to perinatal loss.  Complicated grief, also known as persistent complex bereavement disorder, can occur when individuals experience intense, chronic emotions surrounding the experience of loss and have difficulty resuming their day-to-day lives well beyond the death or loss.  It is a chronic form of grief that can lead to dysfunctional behaviors and irrational thoughts.  In some cases, complicated grief can evolve into depression that may require treatment.  If you or a loved one is experiencing a form of complicated grief, it may be time to seek help.    

Pregnancy and infant loss are very real losses.  If you are struggling to cope with such a loss, please know that support exists.  If you would like to learn more about how individual therapy could help in processing thoughts and feelings about your loss, please contact Viewpoint Psychological Services at (859) 442-8439.  

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About the Author:

Dr. Julie Sell-Smith is a licensed psychologist who works with teens and adults at Viewpoint Psychological Services. 
Dr. Sell-Smith is experienced in working with individuals experiencing infertility, pregnancy, and perinatal loss and
uses aspects of Mindfulness Based Cognitive Therapy (MBCT)
and Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR)
in her work.

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